I admit to being a fan boy. Ever since I got into Heavy Metal I felt the need to collect the merchandise from the bands I love. I fulfill this love by ordering patches from all corners of the globe, and with turning fifty this year,I could see it as a midlife crisis, as most adults outside of my situation would; however, I see it as a fucking great hobby. But you’re probably asking, “what the blue waffle fuck does that have to do with VHS and their orgasm-inducing new album Quest for the Mighty Riff?” well calm your tits buddy-roe because I’m about to tell you.

Last year a record came out called Long Lashes and Deep Gashes, and it hooked me in a way I’d never been. I went ape shit over it, told all my friends, my co-writers, anyone who liked Metal and had ears; I told them about the album and how fucking bonkersly (not a word but I’ll own it) original and catchy it was. I went and plowed through their discography, and scoured the earth for merchandise (no statues but hopefully that will change.) Guess what? Whereas that album made me want to boogie my tail feathers, this one makes me want to go outside with one of my display swords and roar at the sky while swinging the weapon victoriously above my head.

With songs all based on 80s sword and sorcery films, The Quest for the Mighty Riff starts with a spoken introduction “the Quest Begins…” before the Crust/Anarcho/Hardcore (visions of Extreme Noise Terror filled my head) fury of first single “Cleave ‘em and Leave ‘em, a righteous knock to the teeth paying homage to Conan the Barbarian, afterwards they set off to destroy “Dagoth Must Die” which sports a killer Thrash blast at the beginning, followed by the song about Red Sonja that is way better than the movie, “Crimson Haired Warrior”. “Illias and His Magic Bow” is undoubtedly my favorite single from the album, and when you hear the super sexy as FUCK main riff it will get stuck in your brain as well.

“Solange” was my favorite track from Deep Gashes… and I can hear little bits of it in the absolutely nuts “There Can Be Only One”. “Eternia Needs a Hero” has a brain breaking solo, while longest track “The Beastmaster” is ludicrous fun for all its 4.27-minute run. It is the bonus version covers that kind of steal the show especially “Everything I Do (I Do it For You)” by the most famous Canadian ever, Mr. Bryan Adams; VHS take this track and re-imagine it as a thrashing love song. That is followed by “The Neverending Story” which ends the album in soaring, epic fashion.

VHS have quickly become one of my favorite bands, and The Quest for the Mighty Riff only adds more cement to the mighty castle of riffs they have built with every album. This is yet another feather in their cap, a Falcon’s feather if I should be so bold. I smell an album of the year coming on, it smells like old sweat, blood and steel so it’s not a pleasant stench (a Pungent Stench if there ever was one.) Do I recommend this album? FUCK YES! For you sick fuckers that like Fluids, Fulci, and OSDM. A must have multi-genre album that will rock your fucking socks off.

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