It’s high time for folks to realize (or admit) that Grand Declaration Of War is the most important black metal album since, say, ’97 or so. I know, it pissed a lot of people (fans and bands) off. But it’s the Twenty-First Century, ya’ll! I’m sure it was fun back in the day, hanging out at Helvete and being “true,” but that shit’s done. I mean, yeah, the new Darkthrone is as raw and grim as all get out, but I already have the Bathory back-catalog, thank you very much. All of which brings me to Vesperian Sorrow, a six-piece from Texas who bring us bm guitars, bm vocals, bm drums, bm keyboards, and, I assume, bm bass (when’s the last time you actually heard bass on a black metal album?). So, it’s…ummm, black metal. Don’t mizundastand: Psychotic Sculpture is in no way a bad album. These cowpokes actually do the Dimmu thing quite a bit better than Dimmu Borgir. But without some sort of progression, this whole genre is so fucking dead it’s funny. These guys obviously have assloads of talent musically, and the fragments of lyrics that are printed (very pro layout, by the by) seem thoughtful and smart. They just need better heroes. Tell you what, Tex: go listen to the new Mayhem. Even better, don’t. Don’t listen to another goddamned black metal album, ever. Listen to Britney or Prokofiev or whatever. Then record the follow-up. I’m truly anxious to hear what you sound like when you’re not sounding like your inferiors.

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