Unshine flashes through the same elven infested, misty forests as their fellow Finns, Battlelore. Pulitzer-worthily titled Earth Magick is yet another stab at female fronted, romantic, mid-paced metal musick (that’s an intentional typo, mind you). Where Finntroll actually sound like trolls on the roll and Korpiklaani like a pack of drunks on a fringe, I’m having a hard time relating to this “druids with emotional problems” drivel.And it’s not like I’m not digging this because of the subject, as I’ve sat through a fair share of midget porn in the past. It’s just that the songs seem to be playing, playing some more and most of all, playing even more without actually going anywhere. They’re just not waking up the interest of the morning wood. Nice tunes with some decent moments there and here, but could you please develop them into actual songs? It’s as if they’ve left them half way and moved on. A perfect example of this is in the song “Supergirl” or is it actually “Heaven” (don’t blame me for the confusion as I think they’ve fucked up the song list)… anyway, in (at least) one of the songs, there’s a nice dramatic segment where the music kind of stops and the keyboards paint a harmonic pathway for the singer to sing herself through the gates but instead of actually making it oomph, they just get on with it and that’s that. No punch, not a hint of glory nor a taste of epic events taking place. Details, people, details. That’s why most nu-metal failed because they thought it was only about getting a thick sound out of the amplifiers.

And speaking of the singer, she has an irritating way of singing. It’s as if she’d stutter and take a breath in the middle of a word. While Mr. Danzig can pull similar stunts flawlessly, here it begins to hammer your nerves after the first song. Ms. Vesilahti has a nice, calming voice, but I hope she hones her pipes for the band’s next album, so that she can let all the air through smoothly, rather than make fun of asthma patients.

“Ooh boy” said Hank Hill and I have to agree. Sometimes it amazes me how some bands have received a record label and even more so, get their stuff licensed for world wide distribution. Now, I don’t hold it against the bands and I think it’s great that the youth (and the not so young) are doing something creative rather than stuffing tons of cocaine filled condoms far up in their asses, but like drug plants in Afghanistan, it becomes a problem when the issues invite themselves to your front door.

Indeed, I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t have to write reviews (they’re holding my daughter hostage), but just like I’m getting tired of crack whores licking the subway walls, I’m also getting tired of sub par releases. And unfortunately for me, Earth Magick falls neatly into this category.

Begone thou foul pagans!

[Visit the band's website]

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