Excuse the cursing, but what the fuck have I done to deserve this? Seriously, I’ve done no harm to anyone, have caused no havoc nor bloodshed during the short time I’ve graced this planet with my presence. Yet, I’m punished as if I was the cause for Liberace being gay and thus making your mothers cry for ruining their twisted, surreal fantasies. Yes, that was harsh, but that’s what happens when I’m forced to listen to Dust to Dust‘s new album, Sick. Yes, you read right, Sick. I wonder why they didn’t remove the letter K to make it more sick. I mean sic. I mean, who even gives a shit?

And I can already hear (yes, I possess supernatural powers which include, but are not restricted to, the intergalactic ability to hear and see things before they actually happen) how some one of you is about to whine that a) reviews should describe the music and b) give a neutral view of the album rather than waste the reader’s time on personal ranting. Well, what can I say? Shit happens and it appears that I’m the target of today’s pooprange execution; first I have to deal with the actual album and now with complaining visitors.

Now, as one with education as high as mine (in the field of life) would expect from the name of the album, what we’re dealing here with is a collection of rewashed nu-metal and modern alt-rock or whatever you wish to call those two chart breaking, critically acclaimed genres. Each thing taught in the books “Modern Rock for Dummies” and “Mallcore done Easy” are taken under use on this one hell of a sick album; as if this was the “Best of”-collection of ideas heard in today’s Top-40 ‘rock’ songs. Copy the copycats and find yourself on the verge of zero originality. Mind puzzling song names such as “Rot”, “BarelyBreathing” and “Pusher”, check. Distortion stolen straight from Korn, check. ‘Riffs’ done in the true unmemorable nu-metal fashion, check. ‘Riffs’ stolen from metal classics but made more boring, check. Angsty or almost-angry lyrics, check. Sampling that makes things sound like an old record was playing, check. That’s the basic stuff which doesn’t surprise anybody and as expected, is heard taking place in most of the songs.

Then there are things like the song “Shame” which combines Type O Negative and H.I.M together in a fashion where the two bands could sue Rob Traynor for some serious bucks. Rob? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. It appears that the whole package has been put together (e.g., most of the instruments, vocals and mixing/production) by one guy. I guess that’s the big surprising selling point. I mean, come on, aren’t “solo” projects original or what? Well, they can be if you’re Martin Schirenc but anyhow. The disc even has wet dreams burned inside of it about playing in such bands as Alice in Chains and Faith No More — yet, we’re very, very, very (did I say very?) far from the quality of those two names that got mentioned few words back. Sick feels just as empty as the list of reasons why anyone should spend their cash on this piece of personalized art. And I don’t care if there’s a solo or two in the torment of everlasting 53-minutes either, since quite frankly, they didn’t stand out from between the shit that came before and after them. Which might mean that the short solos were most likely rather insignificant themselves too.

As many of these bands are screaming about how they’re about to break, well, I finally broke and snapped and realized that the U.S. Army should use this as an interrogation tool. Sick forces me to admit that I didn’t find 2unlimited repulsive back in 1990 and that I find watching MTV’s dating programs more entertaining than listening to this album. I’m not sure if it’s solely because of this album or if it has something to do with the fact that I’m just growing more and more tired of being subjected to such, monotonous filth. Enough is enough! And everything heard on Sick has been heard many, many times before (and done better). While not exactly an atrocity against humanity, it would have been better for the world if the extreme borefest, aka Sick, would have been terminated with a shot in the head and laid to rest at the graveyard of ‘stupid but luckily unused ideas’ well before it had the chance to become ‘real’. I’ve got no problem with people expressing themselves, but if they’re just doing inferior, cheap copies of stuff that’s already been released, can’t they at least keep it private? Luckily, unlike me, you can choose not to spend any time with Sick.

With things such as Tranquil Bay’s “Behavior modification”-center, German scheisse videos and this Dust to Dust album, I guess the world is still quite far away from being the ideal place to raise your kids in.

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