Music critics are idiots (myself included). Especially so when it comes to reviewing what can pass for a “big” release. Of course, this is metal, so that’s relatively speaking. If they say it’s the best thing since the blow job was invented, you can rest assured it sounds like pretty much everything else out there, which certainly makes me question their experiences with blow jobs. They know who butters their bread, and it’s the major labels… and they butter it with man milk, which honestly isn’t even buttering. It’s just gross and unnecessary.

Some out there find Goatwhore gross and unnecessary with their intentionally provocative name, artwork, t-shirts, and lyrics. I call them gross and NECESSARY. I need Goatwhore and so do you. We all need those slutty, sultry goats… and their music, which some might even say is the reason you’re reading a metal review. So, about that…

This is the band’s 8^th full length of consistently evil, blackened sludge. When it comes to a new Goatwhore record, you’re not going to get anything straying too far from the formula, so the question is then regarding the quality. The quality here is excellent, especially in the first standout, “The Bestowal of Abomination.” The vocal sparring between Sammy Duet and Ben Falgoust is top notch. The guitar solo section is excellent, and the main hook returned to is a small guitar led verse.

The next track is the title track, “Angels Hung from the Arches of Heaven,” and it’s a bit longer than usual at nearly five minutes, but nothing short of excellent. A tremolo-picked riff is the main one, but this one ends with some somber keys. This isn’t a joke or a drill.

Further on in the album, perhaps the grooviest number is “Weight of a Soulless Heart.” While I don’t quite understand what that means, I do understand this is one of the heavier numbers, as its main sections have a bit of a doom crawl, but doom light as it never really takes the foot completely off the gas, nor would you expect it.

At the end of the album is the longest track. God damn it, guys! At over 6 minutes, there’s some clean guitar picking and choral vocals, which serve as the intro, but it lasts less than a minute before a dirge takes over. This is by far (at least in my memory) the closest to an instrumental you’ll get from the band, as Ben and Sammy really let the music take over and breathe. The song is all the better for it, as it seems to crawl its way to the repeated “All life is lost” finale.

Like my ex-girlfriends, the main complaint here is length…

Otherwise, most outlets have called this Goatwhore’s finest hour. However, I’m a natural antagonist and contrarian. I was ready to flip them off and tell them my opinion is more important. Despite the fact that is indisputably true, they actually may be right in calling this the band’s crowning achievement. I always look forward to new music from them, but it often fails to stay with me. Angels Hung from the Arches of Heaven does. Time will of course tell if that continues, but for now, if it’s not their best album, it’s in the top 2.

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