Lemmy: 49% Motherfucker, 51% Son of a Bitch. (Damage Case Films/Megaforce). It would take far too long for me to write about the impact that Ian “Lemmy” Kilmister and Motörhead  have had on my life for the past 25 years. I own 25 Motörhead albums. You do the math and then watch this outstanding DVD, including the hours of quality bonus material that comes with it.

Motörhead – Overkill (Bronze). Lemmy and Metallica performing “Damage Case” at one point on the aforementioned DVD sent me running for it.

Impetigo – Live Total Zombie Gore Holocaust (Epitomite). Rivers of gore! Rivers of gore!

Rush – 2112 (Mercury). A masterpiece…period!

The Haunted – Unseen (Century Media). Dolving, you magnificent bastard! Oh wait, that’s the Patton quote….wrong context.

Angel Witch – Angel Witch (Bronze). “You’re an Angel Witch, you’re an Angel Witch!” That’s the chorus to the eponymous title track and it is quite catchy. I bet you were thinking I was going to drop some NWOBHM history on you about how Angel Witch is one of the less recognized, yet just as important, bands of the movement and how the 1980 debut album from these British boys is an underground classic, didn’t you? Bummer, eh?

Witchfinder General – Death Penalty (Heavy Metal). “Who’s coming to get you / I’m coming to take you away / Find you guilty witch woman / ‘Cos I am the Witchfinder General.” That’s the chorus to the eponymous track from Witchfinder General’s 1982 debut album and it is quite catchy. Have you seen the album cover? Naughty, naughty stuff. Are you familiar with Catholic guilt?

Vomitory – Mortis Opus VIII (Metal Blade). Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to have your faced ripped right off the bone? Listen to this album and you’ll have your answer.

Believer – Transhuman (Metal Blade). In the high stakes game of metal journalism, it is an insider’s trick of the trade to listen one more time to the album from the band that you are hours away from interviewing. It’s complicated.

Thornspawn – Blood of the Holy, Taint Thy Steel Goddamn Texas heat! Please allow me to emphasize “goddamn,” “Texas,” and “heat.” You’re free to go.

Entrenched – Preemptive Strike (Self-Released). Two dudes: Sean Fitzpatrick (guitars, bass, vocals) and Charles Snyder (drums and vocals). One guest dude: Mike Mullins (guitar solos on five tracks). One impressive self-released album of war-themed death metal in the vein of Invasion, Bolt Thrower, and Hail of Bullets. This one was a pleasant surprise.

Twisted Sister – “Shoot ‘em Down” & “You Can’t Stop Rock N Roll.” – A couple of MP3s here from the good ‘ole pre-Stay Hungry days. It never got any better than this.

Thrasher Death – Slaver (I Hate). Raw, bloody, filthy, and stinking of beer and vomit, this 16-track compilation from the mid/late 80s Polish underground thrashers is righteous. The sound ain’t pretty, but it gets the job done, and the songwriting is pretty damn solid, reminding of pre-death thrash in all its fetid glory.  I give it two severed thumbs up. I Hate Records have been on a roll this past year.

Testament – The Formation of Damnation (Nuclear Blast).  The funny thing about this album is that for as much as I – like so many others – were stoked to see finally see its release and then praised its content is that I have to be in a certain mood for it, except for the trio of opening cuts: “For the Glory of…,” “More than Meets the Eyes,” and “The Evil Has Landed.” All three, including the instrumental intro, are best served as a single meal. That and the fact that “The Evil has Landed” is one of the best songs Testament has ever recorded. On the whole, I will always choose The Gathering, Demonic, and Low (in that order) over any other Testament albums. And I love ‘em all.

Iggy & The Stooges – Raw Power Live: In the Hands of the Fans (MVD Audio) The Stooges were a very important band, folks. Those first three albums still kill. So does this vinyl live document of a reunited Iggy & The Stooges playing Raw Power in its entirety. Guitarist Ron Asheton died of a heart attack in 2009 and I’m still bummed about it. May he rest in peace. James Williamson (guitarist on 1973’s Raw Power) performs on this album.

Vintersorg – Jordpuls (Napalm) I’m always appreciative of and thoroughly enjoy this band’s folk/prog metal beauty-and-the-beast thing and Jorpuls is no exception. But unless I’m  reviewing an album I rarely listen to Vintersorg.

Monumental Torment – Element of Chaos (Soulflesh Collector). Two Russian guys, an Arizona throat, and a pizza place. It’s a new sitcom and a very good tech-death album.

Hate Eternal – Phoenix Amongst the Ashes (Metal Blade). Wear a cup and wait for the kicking.

Pentagram – First Daze Here (Relapse). Vintage 70s rock and, yes, doom (before it was really called doom) in a secondary sense. Great stuff.

Pentagram – Last Rites (Metal Blade). Bobby Liebling is really that phoenix amongst the ashes about which Hate Eternal is talking, regardless of whether they realize it. Vintage and 70s-oriented as well, but harder rockin’ and doomed up with Victor Griffin’s monumentally heavy riffing. It too is great stuff.

The Company Band – The Company Band (Restricted). The best damn album on which Neil Fallon has ever sung. Sorry Clutch fans (yeah, I like ‘em too, so calm down), but this is one of the catchiest and totally rockin’ albums of the first decade of the 21^st Century.

Anaal Nathrakh – Passion (Season of Mist). Nasty, noisy, and led by a teacher that begins every class by scraping his fingernails across the chalkboard. Wake up, kids!

W.A.S.P. – “The Torture Never Stops.” – It popped into my head for no apparent reason, so I wrote it down. That’s it.

Grand Magus – Hammer of the North (Roadrunner). This is classic heavy metal with light shades of doom and it doesn’t get much better. Dig it.

Zerstörer – Panzerfaust Justice (Ashen Productions). Damn solid and relatively varied black metal. That’s all I feel like writing about it at the moment.

Red Fang – Murder the Mountains (Relapse) – Probably won’t get near the attention it should as a hooky slab of stoner-ish hard rock.

Agnostic Front – My Life My Way (Nuclear Blast). Miret speaks the truth. He always does.

Rotten Sound – Cursed (Relapse) – Bruised, battered, and bloody, but not always at 120 miles per hour. That’s the difference. Get it?

Hour of 13 – The Ritualist (Eyes Like Snow). Another repeat from the previous list, this album gives me a sense of calm every time I drop the needle on it.

Obscura – Ominivum (Relapse). Have I told you how much I’m enjoying this one?

Graveyard – Hisingen Blues (Nuclear Blast). They bring the rock, baby!

VYGR – Hypersleep (Creator-Destructor) Any time “post”-anything is used in describing an album, I usually move on to the next one. But I rather enjoyed this one, probably because it packs a riff-heavy punch.

Benighted – Asylum Cave (Season of Mist). These Frenchmen are just fucking insane and it translates so well to the brutal ‘n memorable music they perform.

If I have to think too much about what to write for this closing paragraph, then the whole absurd purpose of this column (it’s a column, isn’t it?) might as well be flushed right down the toilet, sent through the sewer pipes to the wastewater treatment plant, cleaned of its impurities, and discharged back into the river. Are you with me out there?