I have a dream. A dream that it’s 1985. Vladimir Putin decapitates Mikhail Gorbechev with a halberd while riding a chariot pulled by two bears which proceed to fight each other to eat the former leaders corpse on state controlled television. He declares himself the new totalitarian leader over Russia. The Putinator formally dedicates the nation to Satan while vowing absolute nuclear annihilation upon the entire planet. He creates giant goat breeding facilities in order to let them to roam free as national symbols of ruggedness and sexual partners for the vodka soaked survivors. Sodomy is law, because fuck babies in a nuclear future. Oh yes, I have a dream…

The band is called Nuclear Perversions. The demo is titled Desolation Rituals. It’s being released on only 300 cassettes and Bandcamp by Nuclear War Now’s ugly European cousin Iron Bonehonead Productions. There are three upsidedown crosses, two gas masks, and a big ol’ bullet belted pentagram in their logo. That’s right, the pentagram has a bullet belt. You should know by now if you’re the least big intrigued in this release.

The intro opens with the sound of sirens, machine gun fire, and the click of goose stepping boots while ominous keyboards moan in the background.   Eventually explosions and more gunfire lead to the radio static of world flattened in the aftermath of glorious Satanic destruction. It actually manages to draw you into the devastation set follow.

“Satan’s Wrath” stomps its way out of your speakers right away with a marching gait and downright obliterating tone. The bestial side of black metal can sometimes get a little too low-fi and blurry for its own good, but the recording is clear, full of muscle and power, without being clean. The band smartly keep it simple and aggressive. All but one song clocks in at just over the three minute mark and there’s nothing too complicated in the songwriting department.

What sets this group apart from some of their bestial brothers is that for all their feral bloodlust, there are some nasty shrapnel chunks just jagged enough to hook you into their apocalyptic war hymns. The chorus for “Crushing the Symbols of the Holy” is guaranteed to make you bang your head and raise your fist to your new leader. “Weapons of Mass Perversion” slows the blitzkrieg pace down just enough for you to really self-righteously savor them rolling the Panzer over your grandmother who didn’t fall in line with the new regime.

Another thing making this a standout release is the vocals. Never before has someone having the balls to refer to himself as Nocturnal Werewolf of Blasphemous Devastation and Nuclear Goatvomits so lived up to the title. He’s got a gigantic roar, but he’s also got a higher pitched warbly yell that really puts things over the top. The closest comparison I can think of is what you wished the vocals on a Conqueror record would have sounded like. In those moments you would swear the doctor from the The Human Centipede just snorted giant rails of crystal meth and Viagra, walked outside wearing nothing but a bullet belt and spiked armbands, howled at the sky, and started chasing your dog down the road under the “Sodomic Nuclear Sunrise” that closes out the meat of the demo.

With only 18 minutes of music excluding the intro and outro, Desolations Rituals manages to add up to more than the sum of its parts. Nuclear Perversions creates a much bigger mushroom cloud than their payload would lead you to expect, or that any single aspect of this demo would lead you to believe them capable of. There’s death, there’s darkness, and they’ll grind you into gravel.

[Visit the band's website]

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